Today I had a kid free day and went shopping with my friend JN. We've been friends since 6th grade and we LOVE shopping together. She stops me from spending so much and I make her spend more. It's really the perfect balance. It may appear that I spend a lot of time away from my kids, but I really don't. It's a rare occasion that I ever go out without them. The hubs is away a lot for work so when he's here, I try to get a break.
So, there I was driving on some back country roads with the sweet smell of freedom. I was blasting my music, and it wasn't even Sesame Street or Word World!! For a second I swear I was in a convertible with may hands in the air just like in that old Aerosmith video with Alisha Silverstone. Wow, I just aged myself. Anyway, so there I was getting lost in the moment and then I looked around and realized, oh yeah, I'm in my minivan... with two strollers in the back... and a handicap sign hanging from my rear view mirror. Ooooooh, that's right I'm just a mom on the run! Once I got back to reality I started thinking about all the things I have to do for the week, and the thoughts of Autism jumped back in my head. I feel like I can't really get away from it, well, except for when I think I'm Alisha Silverstone in that Aerosmith video.
Autism seems to follow me where ever I go. I don't get a break from it. I may get a break now and then from G&L, but I am constantly thinking of things I can do for them. Did I miss something? Did they get Autism and SPD because I watched Sons of Anarchy one day while they were sleeping in there swings when they were three months old? Was it the fertility drugs? That they are preemies? That I love pink sparkles too much? We'll never know. Oh, there is that chromosome deletion that they think is part of the cause. There are just so many questions that are unanswered and we'll never know the answers too. I've read a ton of books, some good, some bad and some that I just think need to be burned. In either case, this is our life. Don't get me wrong. I love our life. I love my kids, I love my husband and I love my dogs. I wouldn't change this life for anything, I just wish that my brain could shut off now and then.
So in the midst of all the crazy things that swirl around in my brain, G tried to kiss me for the first time today! It was the best thing ever. He was either trying to kiss me or bite my face off, but I'm going with he tried to kiss me. The kids who hates to snuggle and only wants to be held or touched on his terms, tried to kiss me! I think it's enough to get us through the week ahead. Tomorrow is a double header of OT and ST and then hopefully a nice long nap!
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